Adagio floats into a Gythian ice cream shoppe wearing over-sized sunglasses and a floppy sun hat pulled down. The clerk, a young man without greater ambition, lounges behind the counter. Two romantic youths sit at a table near the counter, their treats are melting on the table because they are too busy canoodling.
Adagio: I want refreshment.
Clerk: Okay. What flavor?
Adagio: Because it’s hot out.
Clerk: Yea…which one?
Adagio: I’ll have…(savoring the anticipation he expects the Clerk to feel) mint chocolate chip.
Clerk: We’re out.
Adagio bathes himself in green, almost seafoam, flame, which ignites a nearby table.
Adagio: Vanilla with hot fudge, then.
Clerk: You-you have to pay for that.
Adagio: Of course, how much for the child’s size?
Clerk: No, I mean, the table.
Adagio: Was it for sale?
Clerk: No.
Adagio: That’s poor business practice. I’d like to speak to the manager, I’m registering a complaint.
Clerk: Gerald! Some guy started a fire and wants to complain about it.
Gerald lumbers out of the back room.
Gerald: What the churn are you-(Gerald recognizes Adagio from the tabloids he reads when his wife is at her eye appointments) Nope.
Gerald turns on his heel and retreats. A door can be heard slamming in the back of the shoppe.
Adagio: I’ll have whip cream on top…too.
Male Youth: Hey! (swaggers toward Adagio) I was gettin’ some, and then you scared my girlfriend and now I’m not gettin’ nothing anymore.
Adagio looks down toward his hovering feet.
Male Youth: I’m gonna beat your baroque ass, then go back and get some more. Double glory.
Adagio (still looking down): One moment.
Male Youth: What are you lookin’ at?
Adagio: My cool down timer. (He looks up) It’s done.
Adagio glows and The Male Youth is set aflame. The guy’s scream is embarrassingly feminine regardless of how much it hurts.
Adagio (to Clerk): Also some of those little crushed nuts. Those are delightful, what…kind are they?
The Clerk watches the Male Youth howl and thrash around the shoppe. The broiling stud stumbles into a trash can, knocking it over and falling amongst the sticky paper cups. He continues to wail from the ground, occasionally throwing flaming cups and melted plastic spoons at Adagio in retaliation.
Adagio (unaware of the assault): Would sprinkles be too adventurous?
Clerk (a little pee just escaped): M-maybe…yes. Do you want to be adventurous?
The Male Youth wails his last and lays still.
Female Youth: Bobby? Please don’t be dead! I’ll give you some if you don’t be dead…
Adagio (noticing Female Youth): Oh…look at you. (to Clerk) I will attempt sprinkles, purveyor. That completes my order.
Adagio taps the counter glass lightly, shattering it. He floats over to the trembling Female Youth.
Adagio: You are not unattractive.
Female Youth: You killed Bobby!
Adagio: The past is past. I can make you a true beauty. First, I need to unlock a new skin for you. (feels around the pockets of his extravagant garb, including hidden compartments) Poppycock, I seem to have left my unlocking knives in my other corset.
Clerk: Sir, here’s your ice cream.
Adagio (to Female Youth): If no one else cuts off your skin by next week, visit me in my chateau. (narrowing his contoured eyes at her) Do you know what a chateau is?
Female Youth shakes her head.
Adagio: Pity.
Female Youth howls in a burst of flame. Adagio floats back to the now morbidly nervous Clerk, who’s holding out his child size vanilla ice cream with hot fudge, whip cream, little crushed nuts and adventure sprinkles. Adagio stares blankly at the frozen dessert for several moments.
Clerk: Is this what you wanted?
Adagio: It’s obvious I am delighted. I was making myself wait for dramatic effect before I engorged.
Clerk (whispering): Thank the beard of playoffs. (to Adagio) You know what, it’s on the house. Just take it.
Adagio: How gracious.
Adagio reaches for the succulent, sugary concoction. Mere hairs before his blue fingers touch it’s papery housing, Adagio’s personal psychic child enters the ice cream shoppe.
Unnerving Psychic Orphan Child: He’s supposed to give you a cherry with that.
Adagio retracts his hand as if struck by a venomous serpent.
Adagio: Disa…ppointing.
Clerk: You want a cherry? I got buckets of cherries! Take them! Who is that kid? Take the cherries, man! I’m not even supposed to be here today! Whoa, what are all these runes on the ground?
The ice cream shoppe explodes with all the majesty of a phoenix giving birth to a billion baby phoenixes out of wedlock. Rubble, glass, burnt Youth, and paper cups litter the street. Adagio calmly glides out with his suspiciously content psychic child riding piggyback. The pair head about a block down to a frozen yogurt shoppe to try their luck.
END
Epilogue: Gerald the manager went home that day and packed up his things. He sat in his beat up recliner until his wife came home. He told her he knew she was sleeping with her optometrist, that he was the one nibbling the vegetables in her garden and that she never respected his ambitions. He walked out, hopped on a bus, got off, got on the right bus, and rode out to the country where he finally followed his dream of raising goats.