Deep in the jungle of The Halcyon Fold, near the shop, two creeps, Jeff and Marty, blink into existence. A howl can be heard in the distance.
Jeff: What was I saying? Oh yeah, so Gina says to me, “Maybe if you had a Sorrowblade, you would actually kill a hero once in a while.”
Marty: Good luck! Doesn’t she even know you gotta get a Swift Shooter first?
Jeff: That’s not the right build path.
Jeff: Nevermind. So, I say, “Where do you suppose I get that kind of gold?” And you know what that creep says? “Maybe you could kill Marty a few times.”
Marty: That would take forever. We’re worth, like, 22 gold.
Jeff: On a good day! I tried to explain that what we do here is more nuanced than just getting murdered over and over, but she wasn’t having it.
Marty: Not just anybody can do this. Day after day. Forever. With no hope of promotion or salary.
Jeff: That’s right, it takes guts.
The creeps fist bump. It’s adorable.
Jeff: I think she’s churning Dominick.
Marty: The Miner?
Jeff: She was going on the other day about how at least he had an income and prospects.
Marty: Sure, but he’s always, like, four minutes late for work.
Jeff: Exactly! What is he doing that takes four extra minutes every churning time?
Marty: Um, have you ever thought… (Marty makes a clumsy obscene gesture with his hands) You know, him and Gina.
Jeff: Storm Queen on a step ladder, Marty! Gross!
Marty: You brought it up.
The howl grows close.
Marty: I think he’s back.
Jeff: Yea, now remember, whatever happens just keep attacking the wolf. Steady, repetitive swings.
Marty: But “Knife-hands-cat-ears-one-eye” always pops out and gets us.
Jeff: We need a better name for that guy.
Fortress pounces on Jeff. Marty and he start attacking with gusto.
Marty: Bad wolf! Bad! Wolf!
Taka flips into the picture and takes half of Marty’s life away.
Marty: Churn that hurts!
Jeff: Hang in there, Marty!
Taka is deaf to their cries and attacks again, Marty is now mortally wounded. Fortress is looking at something else entirely.
Marty: So much blood…I think I see my liver…
Jeff: Just keep mindlessly hacking!
Taka deals a final blow to Marty.
Marty: Nana, is that you? I’m coming…
Jeff: You killed my friend you churning skvader-dung sniffing–
Jeff is killed in an equally merciless and painful way. Taka and Fortress leisurely visit the shop, face-check the opposing bushes for enemies, and frolic back to start their jungle farm again. Several quiet moments pass before Jeff and Marty once again materialize.
Marty: That wasn’t my nana.
Jeff: I know.
Marty looks Jeff up and down.
Marty: I was thinking…didn’t you used to be bigger?
Jeff: I don’t want to talk about it.
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