Humor

To: You / From: Celeste

Dearest Player,

Let me start by thanking you for the overwhelming support and affection you have bestowed upon me during my brief tenure as a champion of the Fold. Due to my high skill cap, I was concerned my arrival would be met with apprehension and even disdain. In a wonderful surprise, you have embraced my precision mechanics and have taken me to places I never thought I’d see, like the darkest corners of the jungle, professional tournaments and especially Korea. It has been humbling and I couldn’t be more thankful for not being treated like Petal.

Unfortunately, I’m writing you today because I cannot hold my silence any longer. You, fine Player of Vainglory, have clamored, shouted and retweeted endlessly for the reveal of my skin. Whether it be in the chat room of a developer stream or even in the comments of another character, you howl to be shown my secret. Your stubborn persistence in light of my subtle decline is akin to Taka thinking maybe this time he’ll be able to 1v3 his opponents.

I feel in light of this I need to remind you, gentle Player, that my mother was killed in front of me by a woman that may end up being both on my and the opponent’s team simultaneously. Try to wrap your Apple or Android riddled mind around the idea of seeing double the face of your “half-orphaner” both save and stun your porcelain perfectness while you jockey with the idea of tearing your four foot braids out and running for the nearest easy paycheck that requires neither depth nor talent. That event alone is enough that it should have broken me, (my brother won’t remove his orange hood, even in the shower) but I have retained my composure only to be hounded for some showing as a Sexy Ninja Turtle or Disco Cigar Roller or whatever you freaks want to see.

Gross.

Yeah, you know what? I’m done with the fancy sentence structure, your behavior makes me shiver and I have to steel myself against it. Have you ever thought I’m holding out on purpose? Maybe I don’t want to be drooled over or mentally dressed but rather given the same amount of respect as all the others? (except Petal) I might bring a new skin out for 1.9 and I might not, deal with it, noobs. I am out there dropping hot gas bombs on all those bush hiding fools on a daily basis and that should be enough. Either this stops now or my Solar Storm may accidentally miss that cross map Kraken steal next time you really need it. Next thing you know, I’m building weapon power. Either this ends here or I’ll nerf myself down into nothing but a useless pile of pixie sitting on a flower with a couple of drones chewing a turret.

Chill out weirdos,

Celeste

P.S. My dad has sent this picture of his fist so you know what’s coming if you don’t pump the brakes.

image

*NOTE*– I love Petal and can’t be happier with where she’s at in 1.8. If you disagree ILL 1V1 YOU SO HARD BRO!

Brerman

I'm a Pretty Good player and really into the lore and world created by SEMC. I'm writing stories for Broken Myth for as long as they'll have me. Find me in game (Brerman) and Twitter (Brerman_vg)

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