Humor

Dead and Back Again: A Creep’s Tale

double small camp

Deep in the jungle of The Halcyon Fold, near the shop, two creeps, Jeff and Marty, blink into existence. A howl can be heard in the distance.

Jeff: What was I saying? Oh yeah, so Gina says to me, “Maybe if you had a Sorrowblade, you would actually kill a hero once in a while.”

Marty: Good luck! Doesn’t she even know you gotta get a Swift Shooter first?

Jeff: That’s not the right build path.

Marty: Huh?

Jeff: Nevermind. So, I say, “Where do you suppose I get that kind of gold?” And you know what that creep says? “Maybe you could kill Marty a few times.”

Marty: That would take forever. We’re worth, like, 22 gold.

Jeff: On a good day! I tried to explain that what we do here is more nuanced than just getting murdered over and over, but she wasn’t having it.

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Humor

Rare Phone Transcript From Stormguard Emergency Medical Center

Operator: S.E.M.C. what’s your emergency?

Caller: Some guy just got his arm ripped off.

Operator: Excuse me?

Caller: His arm, lady. His whole churning arm!

Operator: Is he still alive?

Caller: Yes, he’s sitting right here.

Operator: He shouldn’t be sitting up, lay him down and put pressure on the wound.

Caller: Ok, hang on. Hey buddy, they said you should be laying down.

Inaudible muttering

Caller: He said when he’s done with his whiskey.

Operator(Sigh): Is the assailant still there?

Caller: Yea, he’s drinking too.

Operator: Can you describe him?

Caller: He’s a Grangor, gray, big cloth over his eyes…

Operator: He’s a what?

Caller: Grangor.

Operator: Is that a religious thing?

Caller: You know, a big cat person.

Operator: He owns a lot of cats?

Caller: No, he is a cat.

Operator: Oh he thinks he’s people! I have a little guy like that. Sometimes he sits in a chair during dinner and so I give him a plate and silverware and–

Caller: Is there someone else I could talk to?

Operator: I’m the only one here. They all went to a call about some kid yelling into minions mouths so loud they blew up.

Caller: Churn, what do I then?

Operator: Well, is the arm intact?

Caller: Yea, it’s on the table.

Operator: You need to put it on ice.

Caller: How much ice should I put in the box?

Operator: 479.

Caller: Mother churner, ok….

Caller puts phone down. Banging, yelling and growling is heard

Caller: Can’t. The Grangor is keeping it.

Operator: The cat is keeping the arm.

Caller: As a trophy.

Operator: Can you take it by force?

Caller (delirious laughter): No way, lady. That guy is way OP. Just come when you can, these two are getting the dice out again. I’m gonna watch.

END OF CALL

Humor 2

To: Catherine / From: Ardan

Catherine and Ardan envelope

I debated writing this for some time now. I even accidentally Vanguarded a desk while pacing and it exploded into oak shrapnel. This is harder than a 1v1 with Krul. The truth is, I can’t get you out of my head.

Don’t get me wrong, Julia was and is the love of my life. I’ve hated you since then, but (and maybe I’m projecting here) I could swear when you stunned me near the miner the other day there was something else behind it. My body froze, but my heart kept beating. The next day I saw Celeste grooving around with you in the Fold like you were old friends and I had to take a step back… into a scout trap you placed. Clever girl.

We have a lot in common. We both love a good Fountain. We both take those turret hits before anyone else. And we both have to keep Taka alive (at least we try). There’s a lot making us mortal enemies, but at the end of the day we’re just a guy and girl tanking our Dragonhearts out.

So, what do you say we spend a few moments in my Gauntlet and see where that leads? If you’re into this, meet me in the jungle. I’ll be the one standing near the shop camp taking creep damage while my carry finishes them off.

Supportively yours,

Ardan

Strategy Tier Lists VaingloryLeague 2

Tier List: VGL Edition

With the recent conclusion of the North American qualifiers for worlds in Seoul, Korea, it was time to do a different twist on the old Tier List. This iteration of the Tier List will cover the relevance of champions in the recent tournament and competitive play in general. The positions and ranks each hero achieves are based solely on my experience and opinion, and that’s why Krul is probably at the top. Continue reading

Developer Livestreams Vainglory News 1

[Live] Official Developer Stream – Catherine Skin? Hero Reveal? Other 1.6 Stuff? (6/19/15)

Ah, the time has come again: we’re nearing another update. And with that special time, we get juicier live streams! That’s right, more reveals, skins and news. Last week we got a sneak peak at the splash art for the next hero, Rona, perhaps this week we’ll get to see her in action? It’s also fairly clear that we’ll be getting that Catherine skin this week; PlayoffBeard said on Wednesday that ‘those wanting to see the Catherine skin should tune in on Friday.’ I’m looking forward to another exciting week! Continue reading